This is quite a long post, but bear with me and read on. I think you will find it funny, enlightening, useful, and well worth the few minutes of your time it takes to read it.
You may have read my other post regarding the recent surge of ‘Book Marketing experts’ commenting in the threads of author’s posts to get attention, and/or an initial conversation started. Read it here on Ramblings from a Writers, https://ramblingsfromawritersmind.wordpress.com/2024/04/07/warning-to-authors-dont-fall-for-this/
Not all are direct “let me promote your book” comments, some are low-key, from ‘You have an amazing book’, ‘I love your cover’, to ‘What inspired you to write such a captivating story’, basically anything to make a live connection.
So, I entered into several conversations with the people who made contact with me. Mostly these contacts came from one of two recent social media posts. Occasionally I received an identical message on both of those posts.
Anyway, against the advice given in my blog, (which I still recommend), I decided to do some research… (or play a game) with these ‘promoters’ to see just how committed and genuine their claims are/were.
As I briefly mentioned above, these opening gambits come in several guises, including ‘authors’ making the initial connection and eventually recommending ‘A promoter/marketer they have worked with’… yeah, right.
I took my time and carefully nurtured many of my ‘new friends’ (I was contacted by 234 in total) into thinking I was genuinely interested in the services they offered.
Others I was, let us say, a little harsher with, even sarcastic on many occasions, although much of my sarcasm was missed, or taken literally. I know the common conception is that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but one still needs a reasonable amount of intelligence to comprehend it.
Or maybe it is that Hank from Illinois, (the all-American author) who would clearly understand the irony of my words, is actually Abaeze from Lagos, (the all-Nigerian scammer) who has absolutely no concept of the absurd satire this form of English wonderfully embodies.
Now, my reason for taking the above action, besides amusing myself, was to discover these marketeer’s premise.
Without exception, they all wanted payment for their proposed service in advance, although some, the more desperate ones I guess, Offered a range of concessions, from the first few days free, to hugely discounted fees.
Surprise, surprise, not one would/or could give a firm guarantee of any sales figures, or would even commit to a target number, a goal to be achieved; especially when I said I would only pay on qualified and quantified results, and for an author results equal sales.
I further explained that as nice a person as he is, my bank manager did not take deposits of likes, comments, exposure, visibility, or any other non-tangible factors, nor did my energy supplier accept such payments.
For some reason, my ‘new friends’ began to evaporate rather swiftly.
Some, however, were far more persistent and, as I was now in a fully-fledged piss-taking mood, I continued with this experiment.
I have not mentioned, because of its complexity, that at each stage I drafted, and sent a message to gauge the ability, understanding, and comprehension of each ‘new friend’ regarding the field they proclaimed to be expert, and/or professional within.
As the exercise progressed, and the responses were returned, I altered and honed these messages until I found the sweet spot, a letter which, by its very nature dismisses these people, or, at least in one instance, exposes the AI involved. To this, I sent a final missive.
I am giving you a copy of these messages (below) so you can send them to the unwanted and unwarranted approaches you receive.
Just before I do, a quick word on the exposition of the AI, as mentioned above.
In answer to the first message, part of the reply I received runs something thus;
“Your book [insert title] was so captivating… I particularly enjoyed [insert chapter number]…”
Yeh, right. This lady promoter has obviously purchased and read my book… or maybe not!
As I mentioned at the start of this message, I undertook this initiative out of curiosity and for amusement. You do not need to indulge these people as I have, you can simply block and delete.
On the other hand, if you have a few minutes, in which you would like to entertain yourself… then go for it!
Thanks for reading this post.
KEEP HAPPY, Paul
Following are the two letters/messages I now send out to dissuade other book marketers/promoters/video/trailer makers and such if I decide not to simply delete and block them immediately.
Simply copy and paste when needed.
MESSAGE ONE
I send this on initial contact.
Thank you for showing an interest in my book.
I understand you offer a service to market, promote, and advertise.
To carry this conversation forward, please answer the following questions.
1, How did the cover initially capture your attention?
2, What was the main thing about the back cover/introduction that appealed to you most?
3, How far through the book have you read so far? What chapter have you reached?
4, If it is one of my short story collections, which story has captivated you most, and which story has made you consider and think most?
5, Did you purchase the paperback or eBook?
6, When did you purchase the book, and where did you purchase it from?
Lastly, please forward a photograph of you holding/reading my book.
Thank you.
I look forward to your reply.
MESSAGE TWO
For replies received after sending message one, when the responese dso not fit the criteria you requested.
I do not expect you will need to send many of these!
Clearly, regarding your answers to my questions, and the lack of the requested evidential photograph, I understand that you have not purchased a copy of my book.
If you are not committed to owning a copy, in reading it, learning, sampling, and understanding my product, there is no way I could commit to, or even wish to purchase your service.
Without knowing the book intimately, understanding it, and realising its placement in the market, you cannot possibly promote this product using an accurate and cohesive targeted marketing strategy.
Therefore, this is the end of this conversation.
(You are now blocked and deleted.)
Goodbye.